A mother’s experiences when her gay son came out to her
That day… the day that had influenced me the most…they day that
shattered the whatever strength I regained since the loss of my
husband…the day that fatigued my invincible self.. the day that would
burst me into tears whenever I think of…That day, my son wanted to go out
with me somewhere. Though I was not sure where we are heading to, I just
thought I would take my daughter too along with us. But, then I understood
that he wanted to have a one-on-one conversation with me about something
important, when he insisted that his sister need not come.
As we were traveling in the auto, my mind went speculating the suspense. ‘Is
he in love with someone? If so, would the girl be empathetic with my family
and its issues? If the girl wourd turn out to be too selfish, how would I
manage the family debts? how would I marry my daughter?’. In that case, I
thought I would better ask him for a promise that he would not marry till
his sister’s gets over and by the time we were about to alight, I was quite
stern about this.
At the beach, I let him speak out as we walked along the shore sand. When I
learned the truth., evertyhing froze for a moment in me until I could
recollect myself a bit to suggest him some kinda medical procedure. My son,
with all the certainty denied any such possibility. Moreover, he opened my
eyes to the plight of the girl who marry him if at all. I could not help but
stuck my eyes on him, speechless. I recalled some of those articles which I
read in magazines. I thought some poople choose to be so and that they are
crazy and ‘that makes news?’ I used to resent. When I expressd this to my
son, he further explained me that this is an irreparable anomaly about which
one does not have a choice and well, there is nothing more to worry about as
such, except for not being able to have an usual marriage like others.
Moreover, he assured me that he will take care of the family
responsibilities. By then I was in tears while my eyes were still on him. I
wondered, if it were a retribution to my selfish fear of losing him to a
girl. Now that, God has given my son back completely and ‘lonely’.
No matter what, he is after all my son. I cannot hate him or ostracize him
for that. In all my miseries, my children have been my only console. Even if
one of them turned out to be a thief, I would have brought him to course
with all my love. But my son is pure. All that he needs is love,
affection-an affection that would embrace him even when the whole world
stood against him, for he is my blood, more than my own life.
Counting upon, sometimes I feel, had he not told me the truth, I would
atleast be cherishing my dreams of his wedding and grandchildren. There is
also a strange pleasure I feel in knowing that he is forever mine. And there
is this moment when that corner of my heart would lump my throat about who
would care for him at difficult times. But there is so much hope in the rest
of me that I have raised my children to fight, not to give up and God is by
their side.
Since the ‘coming out’ incident, I have been actively collecting information
on homosexuality and also have had discussions with people who have view on
this. Now, I am fully convinced of the fact that people like my son have no
choice of theirs and it is none of their fault. I wish everyone like my son
should get their familys’ approval, affection and love. I would try my best
to explain to people with misconceptions about homosexuality and I am sure I
would find happiness in doing so.
As of now, I miss him a lot for he is too far away from me on his work. I
jut cant help my tears whenever I think about him. I yearn so much at the
depth of my heart that he were with me right now, this moment. I just have a
couple of duties to complete. With that, I just want to spend my last years
with him, care for him to my fullest till my last breath. After that?……
By
M/o FTP