Rajib D. Mukherjee is a member of Wajood, an LGBT group in Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh. Orinam.net thanks him for sharing the transcript of his coming-out conversation with his mother.
Finally did it! There is nothing in this world that is impossible. Just a little courage and push from within to do the things just when you want them can get you where you want to be. So, this is how the conversation started :
Me: Mom, I have something to tell you…
Mom: (with curiosity) What is it ?
Me: Mom, I do not want you to talk about me getting married to a girl to anyone.
Mom: (with a weird look) Why ?
Me: mom, I am not attracted to girls and I like boys…
Mom: My heart signaled this a few weeks ago, and I was expecting this to come from you! So this is the way you want to destroy your life ??
Me: Getting married to a girl will destroy not only my life, but the girl’s life as well. If you want to get me married forcefully, then that will end up nowhere but a depressed life and divorce.
Mom: If that is the case, then you don’t have to get married ever. If you cannot marry a “nari” then you cannot marry a “purush”- period. That’s it!! Live alone.
Me: But I am not asexual. I like boys and want to get married to a guy! (At this point I quoted a previous conversation where she said “You need to marry and have children, so that there is someone to look after you when you are old.)
Mom: It cannot happen, how will two guys look after each other when both are old ?
Me: We can always adopt! 🙂
Mom: (with anger) No, this will simply not happen. You have to marry a girl; else, no marriage for you!!
Me: Not possible! If i fall in love with a boy, i would want to live and raise a family with him in the long run.
Mom: (emotionally) I was born alone, lived my life alone, your father died at an early age, you were the only hope and now you are also doing these things…I have no sukh (happiness).
Me: I am there for you and I need you to be there for me. You are my strength, and if you reject me, then I would have nowhere to go…
Mom: I am not leaving you, but just wished you had a better life. So, who is this guy who calls you all the time?
Me: He is my friend and he likes talking to me 🙂
Mom: What’s his name ? What does he do ? Where does he live ? Did he ask you to speak to me about all this ?
Me: His name is *********, and he is ****** by profession. He already has a boyfriend, and he did not ask me to talk to you about this. I have been trying to talk to you about this for the last few weeks, but could not bring myself to have this conversation, as I was afraid.
Mom: Afraid of what ? Why didn’t you tell me when I was trying to get you married last year. Why this sudden change now?
Me: I did not change. I was just scared to tell you as I was afraid I would lose you 🙁
Mom: (with pride) I am a strong woman. I did everything on my own and raised you after your Dad. Why would you lose me?
Me: I know your anger and thought you would kill me or yourself after you get to know about it..
Mom: Never, why would I kill the one i gave birth to, and why on earth would I kill myself? I will die naturally, when God wills.
Me: I love you Mom. Thank you so much for accepting me for who I am!
Mom: Who said I accepted you??? I would still want you to get married to a girl.
Me: Again the same thing, mom ? I cannot. There have been many instances of people getting married due to the pressure from their parents and society, and these marriages ended nowhere…
Mom: Ok, i wish you a happy life. Do whatever you want to…
And then I went on to explain many things to her about being queer. I also explained to her the meaning of ‘Wajood’ (name of the new LGBT group in Hyderabad, translates as ‘Identity’).
Now she is sleeping right beside me as she has been for the last few months, and has been speaking normally.
I hope she will come around in the long run…
Thank you so much guys for all your wishes and support and love!