Our Voices The Orinam Blog

Shri’s Coming Out Story

Dated, 18 Jan 2006

I did it! I did it! At last… after all the struggle. The response was quite positive , Infact the best thing ever happened in my life.
Feels like am a new born today….. Bye Bye to all the fears I had!!.

I decided to do it thru emails, as I was not comfortable talking. I am already out to my sis and she handled it in a very good way and explained my parents. Without her it would have been impossible.

I am sharing the email exchanges (edited!) between my parents and me here.

Cheers
Shri

Coming out email:
Dear Appa/Amma,

Its strange am writing you a letter, though you are just a telephone call away. I know you are worried about my marriage and confused why I am not interested in it. I want to tell you why and what am going through, that’s why I am writing this.
My reason would be very disturbing and may even shock you.  Before I get into it I want to make few things clear

  1. I have no health problems. I am perfectly alright. Don’t panic.
  2. I am not suffering from a love failure. I wouldn’t waste my life for someone else.
  3. You may not be able to understand or accept my reasons easily, but still I am and will always be your son. Nothing is out of control and I wont do things that will hurt your feelings.

I have been struggling within myself whether to tell you or not. But I sincerely feel that I should be honest with my parents and let them know who I am. You have every right to know. If I hide myself to you both, then there is no meaning in my life. Its quite difficult for me to find perfect words to explain this, but I will try my level best.

I have no feelings for women. All my emotional, romantic and sexual feelings are towards men!. Yes… It is medically possible and there are people like me and they are called homosexuals (If you are not aware). People like me will have feelings towards the same sex.  10% of every population is of homosexuals, says a study. Homosexuality is something I was born with. Its not a disease or a habit, that I can get rid off with a treatment. Its absolutely natural, and its against nature to change myself by any means. I will not be able to marry a girl, it wouldn’t be fair to the  girl.

I was quite shocked myself when I realized this at my young age. I had no one to share and I had to suffer all alone. These are things that we cant even share with friends. I thought once I become an adult, I will change and become like other men.. but it never happened. I was so ashamed and guilty and I hated myself. I was expecting a miracle and was praying god every day!! 🙁
Once I became an adult, and had some exposure to alternate sexuality, I realized that its not a crime or a curse to be a homosexual (gay). There are many people like me in this world and homosexuality is very natural and normal.

I am always your son and I will always love and respect both of you. I don’t immediately expect both of you to understand or accept this. I always wanted to keep my parents happy and I am really sorry if this affects you in anyway. I have no choice other then letting both of you know. I know I am the pet in the family and I always want to be. I always fear that I could be rejected by anyone for my sexuality. I am not really sure about my friends, colleagues or our relatives. But I will not be able to take rejection from my family. All I want is a place in your hearts, I am sure I can’t live without that.

I already told this to kutti (my sis) and she is quite supportive. I know its quite hard to lead a life as a gay man, but I pray to god that I get the courage to face my life with a smile. More than that I need your blessings for that.

Hope I will get it.
Yours,
Shri

Reply from parents:
We read the mail and understood the whole thing completely. We can now understand that why you were not interested in marriage. We felt very bad that you went through the whole thing without letting us know. As parents we support you fully on whatever decision you would like to take in your life.

We cannot expect everyone to understand this and we think it is not necessary to explain and express to anyone. Also when you notice, in each of our relatives family there is a person who is not married and we don’t know the reason behind the same. We have also come across such instances even among our friends (Boys/Girls). Additionally, not every marriage ends in success. So please don’t take it seriously or feel bad for the same. That is what is making us feel unhappy.

Always keep in mind that if you are happy then we will be, if you are feeling bad about anything that will affect us badly. Be happy & cheerful as always – That is what is you….

Till our last breathe and even after that- we will always be with you to support you.
Once again, we promise.

Take care & talk to you soon.
Appa&Amma

This post is also available in: தமிழ் (Tamil)

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