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Video: Growing up gay and Tamil – தற்பாலீர்ப்பு தமிழர்களாய் வளர்ந்த அனுபவங்கள்

 

SundarHangout

In this hangout, some of Orinam’s members who are gay, talk about their respective journeys of realizing and accepting their sexuality and their coming out stories.

“அம்மா-அப்பா, அனுமார் கோவில், சைதாப்பேட்டை, சுவாமி விவேகானந்தர், சினிமா போஸ்டர், சின்ன வீடு, முதற் காதல், முடிவில்லா பயணங்கள்.”

இந்த ஹங்அவுட்டில் ஓரினம் அமைப்பை சேர்ந்த சில தன்பாலீர்ப்பு கொண்ட அங்கத்தினர்கள், தாங்கள் எப்படி தங்கள் பாலீர்ப்பை உணர்ந்து, ஏற்றுக்கொண்டார்கள் என்பதை பற்றியும், தங்களின் வெளியே வந்த அனுபவங்களையும் பற்றியும் பேசுகிறார்கள்.

பகுதி 1/Part 1:

பகுதி 2/Part 2:

All Hangouts: http://orinam.net/tag/hangout/

This post is also available in: தமிழ் (Tamil)

Comments

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  1. Indha maadhiri feelings of guilt – happens to straight individuals as well. Of course, it might have been harder for you guys. I personally used to feel extremely guilty for having feelings of sexual attraction towards the opposite sex during my teens (boys, I’m a heterosexual girl). I think it has a lot to do with the Tamil society, the way we are brought up, how sex is shamed and anything to do with sex is bad. For you guys, it would’ve doubled up more because this is not the norm and would’ve also taken a longer time to accept those feelings.
    I finally accepted my own feelings of sexuality etc. after I turned 18-19.
    My heart goes out to you all.

  2. how can i thank you guys for this wonderful video ? i could relate to all three of you. Shri’s experiences were the most touching and i think it could be identified by most gay kids/adolescents. I too was briefly teased by a few bastards in say,8th Std i think. But quickly i manipulated myself and began to target other ‘queer’ like kids. I also was popular especially in commenting about girls, giving masturbation tips etc ! so no one would have the slightest idea that i am gay.
    I am surprised that both Praveen and Sundar had resorted to teasing other boys, like i did. Only Shri is the good boy here. That is why he is still blessed with angel like looks 😛

    Great job by all three of you. Thanks :)

  3. awesome….nd cant control the tears…really a very useful service…sure the viewer get the confident to face the reality…good work…very proud of you…

  4. Very well-presented! Instead of sounding like campaigning, the presenters have aptly focused on recording facts, questions and life-histories as-they-happened, with all circumstantial details surrounding the incidents! If more persons could do such sharing, it would do great service to make the world more inclusive. I was able to relate to the points such as not being interested in outdoor sports, not engaging in talks about women etc!

    It started thus for me: During school days, my teachers observed extra-grace in my dance movements and-picked me to play the role of female consort to a deity on stage! They also spared me along with the girls of the class, of hits by her stick, while they used it on fellow boys! Ever since, a series of unconnected events kept reinforcing the message that I was different. They are:
    1. Looking me walk in front of him, my uncle cautioned me to change my walk, lest, people would call me ‘lady’ so and so.
    2. Classmates started walking beside me mimicking my walk, peppering it up with clapping and singing catchy movie song lyrics describing walk or movement!
    3. Got called by different female nick names, including one that tweaked the spelling of my name!
    4. Class boys wanting to role-play movie sequences would hold me in an endearing or brutal way, depending on whether they were playing the Hero or the villain, making me the damsel-substitute!
    5. While removing stains in my hand, a maternal aunt wondered why my palms were unusually soft!
    6. My neighbor in the crowded class called friends aloud to tell them how touching my skin all over, feels sensitive in a strange way! I was touched and rubbed by a series of boys who vehemently agreed with the former!
    7. Two of my neighbors got irritated with my softness, started hitting me regularly on a countdown, till I broke down un-consolable one day!
    8. A classmate of mine started moving with me in an endearing way, nuzzling and teasing my face with his fingers and winking at me. I reacted initially with ignorance, followed by shock, then with curiosity of what new things he would do and finally when I began to like the attention, he pulled away scolding me for not resisting him all these days! That left me thoroughly confused!!! That made me suspicious of the intentions of any one who shows any degree of intimacy towards me! I wished I was peacefully left to my latency stage(I am using a term by Sigmund Freud).
    9. My cousins suggested that I should be joining ‘people like me’ who live in groups in some huts nearby!
    10. A male teacher sent shivers down my spine when he subjected to me a sudden ‘unwanted bad touch’ and kiss!

    The list goes on, but now all these other people have moved on in their lives leaving an indelible mark on me. Strangers still point out at me while I walk. A group of boys let out a peculiar sound on seeing me in a main road. After the usual shock, I decided I could not let this affect me anymore. I went briskly and sat beside them, as if I was daring them! You know what happens next. They all became silent! I remain a loner, though not lonely!

    1. that was a moving account Shankar. We could all relate to it, in some way or the other. Thanks for sharing. You will find happiness :)

    2. can i share your experience on my facebook profile ? so that many straight people (many tamil people) in my lost could read it ?

    3. Hi all,
      It is indeed a very desirable podcast!

      Hi Shankar,
      I understand how it has been to live with reminiscences of such ‘callous’ events! Knowing you for more than a decade, you have never exhibited ramifications of all these events in any form – really proud of you! This heart-moving piece of sharing would be an inspiration to many in enhancing resilience! Hats off to you! Cheers…

  5. Hi,
    This was really a wonderful intiative.
    The impressive part is the live conversation with real self stories. Also the friendship you share among yourself is incredible. The confidence you all exuberate about life has really made an impact in my perspectives.
    Also this is the one i was long expecting. All the gay friends, portraid to be having successful careers, are usually in limelight. I was desperate about the other normal guys’ experience without any dramatic outcomes.
    I really thank you all the three of you and would put forth the request to continue this initiative with newer perspectives.

    sathiesh

  6. wonderful videos. if the same thing happen to me before 20 years, i too b like these three guys. wht to do? this homosexuality is not choosen by us. by nature. so no need to take it as guilty.

  7. Real life experince ..wonderful intiative ..lots of appreciation to you guys for coming out .but dont want to take away credits for doing this guys..somehow i belive u guys were able to do this bcoz u hv independent livelihood ,accepted yourself ,most importantly started living abroad.Things are still the same here .people consider it homosexuality as disease and we are still criminals by law.U guys r blessed to hv parents and siblings who are understanding. Fear of getting ostracised by family ,frds ..dont wanna write more ..its still a long way to go …happy for u guys

    praveeen you are gud anchor better than most of d tv Vjs
    Nandri..
    gud luck

    1. Wonderful Praveen!

      the way you explain the thing is very casual. But many of us not getting that much chance treat it as casual in India. Truly Hard. Either we will be attacked or will be thrown out. but atlease by seeing this view we may feel soft till these videos are finished. Kudos to you. wish to say repeatedly thanks to All. Take care ….

  8. We people fail to educate ourselves with facts and we rather listen to hear-says and rumors. Media portrays negative views on LGBT people because those news sells and people love reading bad write-ups on LGBT people. The hate has spread wide and it is politically motivated. If people were really smart, they would stop judging and start researching and learning.

    Not all men love women, Not all women love men, Not all people want to love somebody. Who we are attracted to is our sexuality/ sexual orientation.

    In ancient times, worldly movements like Islam and Christian professed in their religion that man is made for woman and woman is made for man, that stands at that because the religion had to spread wide, either by conquering the lands, or by converting the people, or by BIRTH. If man was allowed to be with man and woman with women in the first place, the human race wouldn’t have populated.

    If we see ancient religion and its understandings, it mentions that man and woman come as one to create life. But today, keeping the gays and lesbians aside, what are the so called heterosexual normal men and women doing in the name of love? What has sex become? How many abandoned children? How many murdered infants? How many abortion cases? How many divorces, how many rape cases, how many incest, and are they all committed by GAY and LESBIAN and TRANSGENDERS?

    NO!!! It is by the “so called normal” heterosexuals. So the question of man solely being with woman for populating does not stand valid philosophically in today’s world. Love comes to whoever. That does not mean one has to say “So if we let them love their own kind, then how about people who love and want to marry animals”… Don’t be stunned… There are some morons who associate people with animals too. It is not logic that matters to them, but more of their own opinions being actualized.

    Your sexual orientation and gender identity is already imprinted in your brains since you are in your mother’s womb… I don’t see this as an issue unless someone once to have some meat to go with their juicy gossips… Enjoy your week ahead…

  9. hai guys thanks alot for sharing a inspirational video. It always been a question how our family members would be reacting if got to know about our true identity. After listening to ur stories and experience, i start to think that it wont be so much difficult to face it. yr video given me courage to open up with my mother. i havent done it, but it has given me a strength.

  10. Dear Sirs,

    naa satharana kasta padura familyla thaan irukean, enaku bro yaarum kidaiyadhu, same feeling ennala mudiyala ore feelinga iruku sila samyam enna parkave enaku pudikala naa mattum yea ipadi irukanumnu kadavul kittalam sanda poturukean, ennala mudiyala brothers ennala workula kuda concentrate pannna mudiyalai, enga familyoda kasta nenaichum romba kavaliya iruku padikavum seyala romba feel panrean brothers

  11. Hi praveen. I saw a video its good experience.but I need a life partner.i have the same experience. I told to my parents and my sister.we accept my feelings. But my relatives not accepted.if u interested pls marry me. I dont like solo live in world.pls reply me.
    I am live in chennai and my name is G********.i born on 1986
    Pls contact my mail id

  12. மிகவும் அருமையான நிகழ்ச்சி. இது தொடர வேண்டும்.

  13. Really romba santhosham. naan indha gay feeling nala en life ae poiduchu – karanam society en ariyaamai. married dhan. ahnal married ahna andru mudhal aen marriage panninome nu aladha naal illae.oru pennin valkaiyai keduthuvitomae endru pala varudangal aludhurukiraen. me aged man. andha time net illae.but net moolamdhan thelindhaen. ippo nalla irukaen.ungal debate parthu romba santhosham. munbae neenga pesiyadha kaetirundhal athanai varudam aludhirukka mattaen.again thanx

    Approx. translation.

    [Really happy to see this. Because of society and my ignorance, my gay feeling has ruined my life. I am married, but have regretted this since the time I got married. There has not been a day that I haven’t cried, regretting the decision, and regretting that I ruined a woman’s life. I am an aged man. During those days there was no internet. With the advent of the net I have gotten clarity and am okay now. I am very happy to see your discussion. If I had come across your conversation at that point of time, I wouldn’t have cried all these years. Again, thanks]

  14. Hi Guys,
    I happened to see this video now only nearly an year later and it was really awesome to me. I am 65 years old and had been living in this country and gone through a lot of pains in having different sexual identity. It has not changed much even now and I am not interested in coming out of my closet because it will create major problem not for me but for my friends. In India, if you declare yourself about your sexuality immediately they will try to brand all your friends with a sense of doubt. That was my time and I am really pleased that many of your ‘normal’or ‘straight’ friends have accepted you as what you are. But, I am sure you live in a period more liberated and happy because you live the US where this is not a big issue and further for India it is enough to get respect if you are in the US.
    However, I am amazed and very much moved by the way all you three guys have expressed yourself and kudos to your friends and parents who have been very supportive of you.
    Thanks to internet and computers of these times!
    You may be surprised and shocked I realized my sexuality only at the age of 34. Till that time, I had been in a confused state. Anyways, I feel happy that your generation are bold and beautiful and know what you want in life and also how to achieve it. Good, keep it up and keep me posted about your additions and news!

    All the best Lucky Praveen, Sundar and Shree!

  15. Hello Everyone,,,,I am Prenesh doing my medicine in Armenia.,,I realized that I am gay when I was abt 12 th std.,,, Like everyone even I was confused but now m aware of it.,, But I had second thoughts whether it’s acceptable and decided to find answers by myself rather than getting help from my parents,,,,I consulted a psychiatrist without my parents knowledge and he said it’s normal and nothing to be ashamed of,,, One say I came out to my parents who initially thought it to be prob but as time went I suffered anxiety attack especially when I was in abroad..,,I was hospitalised twice in hospital in India and slowly my parents realized that it’s quite normal to be gay and accepted me.,,And I m taking medications even now too,,,, Coming out as gay had both gud and bad consequences,,,, but I m happy that I m true to myself.I now wanted to help those gays who suffer from insecurity and depression,,I m in Planetromeo,,, And for everyone who r lgbt be proud of who u are and enroll yourself in society like helping and charity,,, We all should prove ourselves that we r also humans,,,, And guys if u have probs regarding sexuality I can help u if possible,,, And Mr.Sundar I chatted with u a long time hope u remember me,,,

  16. Naa prem sharath waj. naa intha two yearsa ennoda lifla naa happyave illa ,athuku enna kaaramna intha two yearsa tha naa intha feelinga unara so naa romba kavala patta ,namma samugam enna sollum apram namma family enna sollu itha nenachu, nenachu daily um feel panuva. aanay itha yarukitayavathu share pannanumnu aasa paduva but itha pathi yarutta solluva ,yarukita solla mudium friendukita kuda share pannamudiyala i verry sad but now i verry verry happy ,reasion i watch your hangout vidio ,THANK YOU

  17. i am very much happy to here your experience. very much useful. i would like to contact Sundar and srish. i shall be very much happy if they contact me once thank you

  18. I am very happy from yesterday.My self 28 years old,Electrical engg, working in Transportation industry.I am gay.After 13 years I have come out with my mom with google hang out videos.This session was very helpful.Mom accepted me fully.Thank you so much sundar,sree,praveen and velu.

  19. I recently come across ur videos. Hats off to u praveen, shri, sundar and velu. I would like to discuss and want to make Friendship with you guys. If you are interested pls let me know. Thank you

  20. WOW!!! I am witnessing such a touchy, emotional and yet an excellent coming out experiences of Tamil guys. You guys really need to be applauded for this wonderful video. I am Raja from Singapore. I am a straight acting gay. I am a 4th generation Singapore-Indian and yet i still can’t come out as the Tamil culture here in Singapore is very much alive and bonding with my family is so strong that i cannot afford to see them hurt. I am 40 now and have already somehow managed to procastinate every wedding proposals by giving so many different excuses. I hope to do so till my family gives up on me! This is, but a sad truth! Well i do not want to narrate my gay life episodes now. I just wanted to compliment these 3 guys and Orinam.net
    Though i can’t come out, i am truly and sincerely happy for you; Praveen, Sundar and Shri. How i wish i could have the guts like you to open up. Anyway please keep in touch with me through my email and i wholeheartedly invite you to my house if you guys are travelling to this part of the world. Well anyway the world is indeed becoming smaller with internet! Cheers!

  21. I have all so same problem I want take any one so please gan u give any Shri Sundar prvaeen sir any please contact me sir how to anku puriyala pls help me

  22. Marvelous description.Actually MARRIAGE IS A PRIVATE AFFAIR BUT ORU SILA EXTENSIONS LA ORU FORCE AH LA MARRIAGE PANNA VENDIYADHU ERUKU.I AM STUDENT NOW.STUDYING B.A at The American college which is situated in shree’s native.Enoda cousin um gay dha but he forced to get marry,he dint express his feeling to his parents….but marriage vennanu solrapo…..force ah la marry pana vendiyadhayidiche….So discuss about this too……NA SURE AH APDI MARRY PANNA MATEN…BCOZ I KNOW I AM GAY….NO EMOTION AND SENTIMENT IN MARRIAGE.E rukura oru vazhkai ah nammaku pidicha madhiri vazhalanum.

  23. Hi Sri, Sunder and Praveen,

    Its really touching story, I am still facing this issue. Cannot convey to any of my friends here. Once I told to one of my colleague in previous organisation, he though talked politely and heard each of my words. But latter on he spread this reality amongst everyone in the office and I was like a joke. From that day I never ever told anybody about it. I am happy for all you guys that it went very positively. Many of the organisation they did talk on YouTube like this but when it comes for advise none replies. Even one organization headed by Manvendra Goel for gay marriages asks for $5000 Us dollars. I understand it involves research and all, but is’nt it a big amount.

    Hope you guys help getting a genuine gay marriage website where most of us middle class gay living in India also get benefited.

    Also request you to talk more on how to get a soulmate and share your own experience of meeting the right partner.

    Regards

    Selvaraj

  24. Me so having the same feel of gay life. I’m a gay not a bisexual but how to explain it to my parents and friends I don’t know abt that. But I’m confident to my gay life. So I need a good partner of having same feelings gay. I’m from tamilnadu, selam. If any interest contact me and suggestion also needed. Pls help me frds. I feel alone and empty my life.vijaykumar14014 at gmail

  25. Hi I am coming from India in Tamil nadu. 19 year old boy. I am also gay. My question is how to living in gay life and searching partner? Plzzz answer me!

    1. Its ajith here.Am 20 yrs old.Its possible only u both are live together somewhere, away from your native for jobs like that…..if u want any clarifications plz msg me

  26. It has been more than 3 years that Sundar, shri, Velu and Praveen have become heroes in orinam. There can be various videos that the world has seen all these times. But the videos what you guys have made are really special. And you deserve to be as ‘HEROS’. How are you guys now? In the past three years how things have changed in your life. Expecting your latest video of your changes in life with same joy, smile and enthusiasm.

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