First Generation Queer South Asian Immigrant Rant
Our stories smell very similar but our sorrows yet very different. Just like how no two snow flakes are alike
We often travel in multiple trouble boats all at once, tackling issues like immigration; sexual identity; financial struggles; career instability and personal family woes.
Our accents thick; our experiences thin, struggles hidden from our kith and kin, we are desperately unrehearsed on a stage that was never a level playing field for us
Our souls burdened with beliefs which we’ve ingrained for years deep within us, un clutching from it’s paws unlearning and unloading all that is both time taking and daunting
Our Friends/Family might be casually racist/homophobic and misogynistic and we might not readily find a voice to fight it, for our tongues are tied with generations of our own patriarchal stigma
It can get extremely difficult to explain our queer lives and it’s dynamics to our straight close friends so we gradually cut ties from them; it is hard for some to do so !
We learn to hide a lot about our lives at tender young ages that it leads to us getting so good at lying so frequently that it’s emotionally exhausting !
The unbearable expectations of heteronormativity from our family ( read extended Family/ neighbours/ relatives/ friends/ acquaintances / colleagues ) is sinfully suffocating for some!
Some of us might not know how to strike a conversation or how to properly navigate a friendship/ relationship cause we arrive so late to the game. Be kind to us if your time permits please
We are stuck in long games and emotional baggages of the queer world, we neither fully know what we truly want nor we can afford to make a lot of mistakes, for our privilege walls are icy thin!
We hate ourselves and continue to live like that without recognizing it. It would have been nice if someone told us sooner when younger that it is okay to live a little for our own sakes and selves
We live in an emotional Imposter Syndrome where we worry extremely in our imagination that we will let a lot of people down just for innocently being ourselves !
Our scars are on the inside, not from wars we’ve won but from battles we’ve never wanted to fight from all the unresolved trauma !
Even with keys in our hands, some cannot unlock the closet and come out cause we we’ve gotten so comfortable in our “ straight acting “ skin coats. So don’t act so critical dear “Already Out and Proud Fellow South Asian “ BRO
Some of our parents/ families might have never ever even heard about the words that make up the LGBTQIA acronym and absolutely have no clue that something like that even exits
Coming out is not a one time thanksgiving dinner table announcement but a recurring repetitive struggle that can be dreadfully frightening for some. We are shedding our skin in baby steps!
Bear with us please!
Even when we come out, our parents never speak openly about it, deny it, expect us to somehow magically turn and change ourselves some day. Their coming out is brutal for them in their own way
Social media has created such shallow standards and emotional baggages around us that it feels like we escaped the suffocation of the closet only to be vaporized in this toxicity of this culture.
We rarely acknowledge the importance of mental health and therapy in our culture, ’cause we stigmatized it for reasons unknown.
Like all others, we also have a toxic love/hate bond with hookup apps like Grindr, Scruff, etc coz nothing soothes our damaged goods dented souls like instant gratification
Some of us neither had the cultural luxury nor the exposure to understand and explore our sexualities. So spare us your judgements please
At times, we might we misspell mispronounce and misunderstand certain words, jokes and contexts. Correct with warmth if you can
All of us are work in progress but we South Asian Immigrants are on a crash course, so please if your time permits educate someone you come across. They could always use a little extra help!
If you’ve come this far in reading this then I Love you!
In my lame attempt to collectively talk for the all of us I am sorry if I said anything ignorant/ insensitive Or If you disagree with anything, come let’s have a conversation, I’d love to stand corrected.
More Love and More Power to all of us!
Thank You
