Me, a feminist man

Looking back, I am unable to trace my path. I did not realise the moment I became an ardent feminist, because it did not come rushing into me suddenly one fine day. When did I become one?

Was it at times when my mother used to make compromises on her career, ambitions and health to fit exactly into the role of a mother or wife?

Was it at times when my insensitive father remained free and did not have any such pressures to fit into his roles?

Or was it at those times when my neighbours around my place praised my father for our education, growth etc., while the truth was that my father had contributed nothing towards our  (my sister’s and my) growth?

Did I realise that my father was stealing all the credit that should have gone to my mother? Did my father consciously steal it or it was the privilege he was enjoying for being a man? Why wouldn’t even the society atleast try to think that my mother’s role also would have been an important factor for our growth? Why does it go unacknowledged, even when she was the only person to work hard for her children’s growth? Didn’t my mother earn equally as my father? Then why does the society praise my father alone? Isn’t that the height of injustice?

Why should I have my father’s initial before my name? Why can’t it be my mother’s? What right does the society or law have to force me? Why should I be identified as my father’s son always and why not my mother’s?

Why do the application forms, be it for any purpose – opening a bank account, election card, college application form or any such government procedures –  always ask for the the name of the applicant’s husband or father?What  injustice is this? Why can’t it ask for a wife’s name?

Is a woman merely a man’s possession through her lifetime? So do they mean to say that woman is property  transferred from father to husband once she is married?

Shouldn’t the government and society be ashamed of these rules and expectations?

All these questions got me thinking. I started thinking from the age of eight or nine. I observed gender discrimination in each and everything. Everywhere! As a child I was totally inspired and fascinated by Bharathiyar’s “Puthumai Penn” song while all the other children around me were familiar with “Odi vilayadu paapa”.  I still can’t remember where I picked up the song when we were not taught at the school! Did I, at that early stage, go in for a search to find something that defies general social norms?

As I stepped into adolescence I started to become more aggressive in speaking out. I was teased by my friends for arguing against the general set up of the society, because they found it odd for a man to speak on feminism. I remember once in my college, I delivered a speech on “Women as successful enterpreneurs” and I made a statement criticising the general stereotypes that are being forced on women. And just as I ended, the whole class broke into heavy laughter and applauded trying to ridicule me. “Oh God! what a pity!”, I thought. My thought process was never disturbed by these awful creatures called men.  I used to wonder what made them not realise or not to think! But now I know the truth.  It is because they do not want to think.

They do not want to let go of the privileges they have been enjoying in the society so far. They are threatened by women’s growth. And so to feel secure, these men oppress, harass, abuse and some pig-headed men go in for moral policing too. I have a classmate who goes around campaigning to all my class mates who are girls about the right womanly behaviour. He advises them not to sit crosslegged in front of men and lectures on how submissive they should be. He says only this kind of behaviour would bring them a good life! And do you know what a ‘good life’ means for him? Obviously, it is nothing other than marriage! And he was born and brought up in Chennai Metropolis, and has had enough exposure to the modern world. So, why does he refuse to accept? It is because this uncouth creature doesn’t want to think! Oh sick creatures!

Sexism, discrimination and chauvinism! These are the key personality traits for Indian men, no matter who they are or where they are! Oppression and oppression! Wherever you go! Everywhere around you! In colleges, in schools, in corporate world, in media, within the four walls of the so-called homes, on the streets, in the buses, in the law and justice system…

Shouldn’t women live as individuals? Is this too much to ask for?