Coming Out

Coming out is the process by which individuals accept their own sexual orientations, gender identities or intersex selves, and then let friends and family members know about this aspect of themselves. Most people come out to others in order to lead more open and honest lives without the constant fear of being discovered that accompanies remaining in the closet.

Coming out in Indian and other Asian contexts is often complicated by the huge emphasis on conventional gender roles, heterosexual marriage and on begetting progeny to perpetuate the family line. Sure, these issues exist in other (non-Asian) contexts as well, but it is helpful for us and our families to hear accounts of people from our cultures, and in terms familiar to us. Check out the menu items on the left, including information on the groups in your area and the crisis support resources. Do not hesitate to contact us if you have queries, would like to schedule a peer counselling session or seek professional mental health support.

Notes: (i) for some – but not all – people who are queer/trans, non-conforming gender expression gives them away as queer/trans – they don’t have the luxury of hiding their queerness because the gender expression itself attracts hostility and violence. For such people, not being visible is not an option. (ii) While it is true that coming out helps in greater visibility and in reducing stereotypes about queer/trans people, it is not a universal solution. Self-preservation, safety and need for financial independence will take precedence. There can also be unhealthy peer pressure to come out which must be tackled.

Orinam resources on coming out:

External resources on coming out:

  • Singapore-based queer women’s group Sayoni released a booklet on coming out as part of their IndigNation pride events in August 2009. You can download a pdf here.
  • RK Sinha has a blog compilation http://101comingoutstories.com/

(c) Orinam.net. Please read our copyright policy.